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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Thursday, May 25, 2006

And the beat goes on

Lady Bracknell betook herself to visit her favourite practice nurse this morning for what are known in medical circles as "fasting bloods". Although she is glad to receive such excellent care for her diabetes, her ladyship finds such days wearying as her blood sugar levels never really recover from their early battering. There is only so much relief which can be gained from a banana in the handbag.

The appointment, though, was a mirthful one given that Lady Bracknell was fortunate enough to be attended by two nurses of great good humour.

A decision was made to take the opportunity to check Lady Bracknell's feet for signs of diabetic deterioration. (As Lady Bracknell's feet are more than ordinarily ticklish, this can be an operation fraught with risk for all concerned.)


A device with which Lady Bracknell was unfamiliar was brought into the room. It was not dissimilar in appearance to the photograph which Lady Bracknell's editor has skilfully inserted on the left. Minimal research on the interwebnet would indicate that it is a portable ultrasound device.




The conclusion to which Lady Bracknell was inexorably drawn following her appointment is that persons who have never heard the amplified sound of the blood pulsing through their feet have never lived. Any individual possessed of a) such a device and b) the anatomical knowledge required to find the pulse in the feet of other persons would find him or herself to be an enormous success at parties.



(Readers may infer from the above that Lady Bracknell is easily pleased. They would very probably be correct in that inference.)

4 Comments:

Anonymous Dude said...

One briefly considered a comment linking her Ladyship's implied confession that she tends to be easily pleased with the earlier sentence about gaining relief from a "banana in the handbag". Then, recalling her disdain for the single-entendre and the fact that comments are pre-moderated, thought better of it.

What a good Dude am I!

(This is why I don't have my own blog)

7:50 am  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

In my day, such investigations were carried out with much lavish slathering of KY jelly on to the designated extremities (the same technique is used to detect foetal heartbeat, incidentally.)

I trust your ladyship was able to clean her tootsies thoroughly before resuming her footwear.

9:48 am  
Blogger Becca said...

Am delighted to hear that Lady Bracknell's feet are in such good health and am also reporting with some glee that the wireless internet card I purchased the other day is working, with the result that I can now piss about on the internet from a quiet corner of the college refectory, while begging essay-writing assistance off passing professors on coffee-seeking missions.

12:27 pm  
Blogger pete said...

Funny, very funny;-)

I have now got an Archies song buzzing about me few neurons!

Fasting bloods, I do those for my Lithium etc. Why do I always want a fry-up beforehand that morning?

Sugar.....

4:24 pm  

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