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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Lady Bracknell, who took a sudden fancy for broccoli with her evening meal and therefore made a detour to Tesco on her return to Bracknell Towers, has arrived home to find the police out in force.

There are:

  • two police vans full of men in white paper suits (Lady Bracknell's weakness for detective fiction leads her to believe that they are probably members of a SOC team);
  • one police car, crammed to the gunnels with uniformed officers; and
  • one unmarked car containing two plain clothes detectives.

One of the vans is parked on the pavement outside Bracknell Towers. So close to the retaining wall is it situated that Lady Bracknell experienced some trouble in reaching her own front gate. So much so, that her bag of groceries bumped the side of the van. Whereupon the heads of several officers turned in her direction in a somewhat sinister manner.

Thinking better of her initial impulse to knock on the window of the van and declare, "It's a fair cop, guv: I'll come quietly", Lady Bracknell hastened indoors to dictate this blog entry to her editor.

The vehicles have not moved. There is no immediate evidence of wrongdoing of a nature sufficient to warrant such a large police presence on the street outside. (Unless the local constabulary have decided to take littering a great deal more seriously than they have been previously wont to do.)

Should Lady Bracknell ever get to the bottom of this mystery, she will enlighten her readers as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Two hours later

All but two of the vehicles have just driven away at speed. So many drove away, in fact, that Lady Bracknell is forced to conclude that more must have arrived whilst she was cooking and eating her broccoli. Two cars remain: one marked, and one unmarked.

Fond though Lady Bracknell undeniably is of trees, she could wish for just a moment that the enormous oak in the front garden had shed its leaves overnight as its luxurious foliage has obscured her view of developments. Prior to the swift departure, various officers carried blue plastic crates - contents not visible to her ladyship - out of the house opposite and deposited them in the back of a second unmarked car. Doubtless these contained evidence of some kind.

But what.....?


Blogger Sally's Life said...

Lady Bracknell
Whenever the local boys are doing siren practice past the village, my heart stops momentarily in case they have read BADD and have decided to round us all up.
I do hope you are not going to be the first.
Do keep your readership informed, so that we may know you are safe.

6:59 pm  
Blogger Sally's Life said...

Lady B
In haste; the boys from Greater Manchester, West Midlands, Cleveland Metro and Merseyside have been raiding anti-terrors today. I do not wish to seem unfeeling about other peoples' terrors, but I am pleased you are safe.

10:19 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Sally is most kind. Lady Bracknell was aware of said raids, but is rather under the impression that they were all carried out in the early hours of this morning.

She suspects this particular police presence may have been more drugs related.

In any event, Lady Bracknell herself is entirely unscathed, and lives to blog another day.

10:32 pm  
Anonymous Dude said...

Perhaps the sycanomore DID have a protection order on it and the inconsiderate (nosy) parkers were in fact from the mili-tree police.

8:19 am  
Blogger Becca said...

*groan* for Dude

Sally might have a point, acherly, though - if they had arrested someone they wouldn't necessarily do all the searching and forensicsy evidence-gathering type stuff in the wee hours of the morning when they arrested them, would they?

9:25 am  
Blogger pete said...

Broccoli? Yuk!

Perhaps some right minded citizen had tipped the 'bizzies' orf that a WMD (Wegetable of Mass Dyspepsia) vis-à-vis duspeptos... oops meant broccoli was about to be cooked(is this the right word for the preparation of such a maloderous evilness?)

6:53 pm  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Obviously the boys from the DWP who have noted that Lady Bracknell knows TOO MUCH about the Act and the System and hasn't kept her mouth shut; with the result that people she advises have been getting benefits and rights they ARE entitled to.

Room 101 for you, my Lady!

7:09 pm  

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