Ticket to ride?
In previous years, the Big Brother house has been roundly - and justifiably - criticised by disabled viewers for being inaccessible.
Lady Bracknell imagines that a last-minute imperative to improve accessibility would be both a major headache for the producers and a source of great amusement to disabled persons generally.
Lady Bracknell would personally rather stick needles in her eyes than spend so much as one second in the company of anyone who has successfully won through the Big Brother audition process. Despite this, she considers that it would be a very cunning wheeze indeed if the UK's wheelchair users; persons with sensory impairments; and anyone else who couldn't cope either with the stairs or the constant bright lights could form some kind of cartel to buy up all those Kitkat bars which might contain a winning ticket the moment they go on sale.*
The more complex the winner's support needs, the better. Picture the horror on the producers' faces if they had to not only instal access ramps, but bring in another bed for the winner's full-time PA. Or sign language interpreter. Or both. And somewhere to store the spare oxygen tank. Not to mention the need to drastically re-think the design of all the weekly tasks.
Hands up all those who suspect that either
a) it has never crossed the producers' minds that the winning ticket might be held by a crip; or
b) it has crossed their minds, but they have prepared a flimsy argument based on a subjective reading of the health and safety legislation with which to reject a disabled winner?
*It would, of course, be necessary to find someone to eat all the Kitkat bars. Lady Bracknell has always found Dude the chauffeur to be most assiduous when his duties have been extended to include eating.