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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Monday, January 09, 2006


Readers whose childhoods pre-date the creation of the Tamagotchi, and other such electronic playthings, may recall toys similar to the one pictured to the left. (Available for purchase, as are many other items which Lady Bracknell was under the mistaken impression had disappeared for ever, from Hawkin's Bazaar.)

This gentleman, whose likeness is preserved under perspex, is as bald as an egg. Entertaining hairstyles and mutton chop whiskers can be created for him by means of applying the magnet provided to the iron filings which accompany the cartoon of his face. This is a deal more diverting than it may sound to younger persons whose sole idea of fun is to destroy aliens noisily by means of some device fitted with a micro-chip.

Lady Bracknell yesterday betook herself to her regular hairdressing salon for what she believes is known in the trade as a "cut and finish". Lady readers will be aware that clients attending such venues are generally draped in some manner of voluminous garment created from synthetic fabric in order to protect their own attire from those tiny pieces of newly-cut hair which have the irritating capability of weaving themselves intractably into one's favourite amusing two-piece suit. Or, indeed, into any other garment.

Lady Bracknell's hairdresser, who can be quite stern, insisted that her ladyship keep her hands under the cape on this occasion. This resulted in her ladyship grasping the crook of her handsome walking stick through the fabric of said synthetic cape, which gave her something of the appearance of John Hurt in certain scenes from Alien. Particularly when she pivoted the handle of the stick so that it gave the impression of scoping the room in a sinister fashion...

The comedic potential of the whole scenario was immeasurably enhanced at the moment Lady Bracknell realised that the friction of the cape against the handle of her stick (which, as regular readers will recall, is fashioned from lucite) had served to charge it with static electricity to the point where it was capable of attracting cut hair to itself.

The process of creating a natty goatee beard for Lady Bracknell's stick from discarded hair was one from which all present derived literally seconds of hilarious entertainment.

Lady Bracknell is, of course, now considering devising an amusing party trick involving static electricity; at least one of her lucite sticks; and several balloons.........

Post Script 13th January

Lady Bracknell has today been discussing this post with a gentleman of her acquaintance. He suggested that it might well be possible - assuming that one was in the fortunate position of possessing a number of lucite sticks - to create a "pass the balloon from stick to stick" party game.

This, he intimated, would consist of a line of four persons tasked with transferring the balloon from their own stick to that of their immediate neighbour without touching the balloon with their hands. (Of course, in order to make this really exciting, one would need eight sticks so as to introduce an element of competition between two evenly-matched teams of four.)

Should this game ever be attempted, Lady Bracknell will ensure that photographic evidence is published on the pages of this blog.


Blogger marmiteboy said...

I had quite forgotten about this toy. I am afraid that todays children wouldn't find much pleasure in such things though. There are no explosions and it can't walk, talk or wet itself. This is a crying shame. Yesterdays toys were infinitely better.

7:28 pm  
Blogger pete said...

'Lady Bracknell is, of course, now considering devising an amusing party trick involving static electricity; at least one of her lucite sticks; and several balloons.........'

Is the dear Lady available for the 21st of January at the Canon Chasubles' home for fallen women?

I had a Mamod steam engine that I took to bits and couldn't re-assemble. My dad punished me for breaking it, but not as much as I am when I see how much they are going for now.

Remember the iron filing toy well!

1:23 pm  
Anonymous Chris Mac said...

LOL! Lady B! What a tonic for a gloomy Tuesday. The image of you in the Hair Salon is one that will stay with me for some time I feel:)

4:15 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell confesses that the idea of Canon Chasuble's Home for Fallen Women has amused her greatly....

4:47 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

As Mr Mac would no doubt agree, one must find one's pleasures where one can. Lady Bracknell is firmly of the belief that it is crucially important to retain one's sense of humour when one lives with chronic pain.

She is pleased to hear that the image of her creating a beard for her stick has provided entertainment.

4:50 pm  

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