.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

My Photo
Location: Bracknell Towers

Friday, September 23, 2005

Bracknell Towers is reglazed

Readers who have been losing sleep over the threat to the security of Lady Bracknell's treasured possessions occasioned by the hole in her withdrawing room window will be relieved to hear that the glaziers are in the process of replacing it. That they are simultaneously destroying the exterior paintwork which was completed less than a month ago at very considerable expense is unavoidable, but is grieving her ladyship to the core. Their helpful suggestion that she should have had the window replaced before she had the paintwork done was met with a somewhat stony reception. Lady Bracknell may have many sterling qualities, but she is not psychic. She could not have foreseen the stone or airgun pellet which she is informed must have caused the damage. (Clearly, glaziers are persons of a most pedestrian mindset: Lady Bracknell still prefers her theory about a small, but enraged, horse. Possibly one which was able to render itself momentarily invisible.)

Once the central pane has been replaced, the window should once again resemble the photograph on the right.

(Although Lady Bracknell is pleased to note that there is rather more foliage on the trees today than when this picture was taken, and the weather is less gloomy.)

She will need to replace the gelgem flowers when her strength is somewhat restored. Her ladyship is very fond of the gelgem range of products, which provide much joy for an outlay within the means of even the most limited purse, and advises her readers that they can be purchased by UK residents here. The depictions on this site do not do the beauty of the products a full service, so readers wishing to gain a more accurate impression of how gelgems would appear in their own home are advised to check out the US site. They should, however, be aware that there is no mail order facility through this site.

Her ladyship has many tasks which she would wish to be pursuing, but what was initially described to her as a simple case of cutting out the broken panes involves such a cacophony of hammering that she is temporarily quite unable to concentrate on anything more demanding than dictation to her equally-harassed editor.

Given that the security of her beloved china cabinet will be restored momentarily, Lady Bracknell has decided that it is safe to publish a photograph of it. She regrets that the dimensions of the picture are such that her readers may struggle to appreciate the quality of its contents, but assumes that the more eagle-eyed among them will have recognised the Clarice Cliff vegetable tureens and gravy jug on the bottom shelf.


Blogger marmiteboy said...

Isn't gravy rather common?

12:25 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Only when made by pouring boiling water on granules.

12:30 pm  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

How else do you make it then?

2:32 pm  
Blogger The Goldfish said...

I am much admired of Lady Bracknell's china cabinet. It is very funky. Her ladyship demonstrates excellent taste in all things.

Does anybody want to know the story of how gravy boats got to be that shape?

3:01 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

My dear Goldfish, you're knowledge goes unchallenged. Pray reveal all about the gravy boat.

I'm all ears.

8:12 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

I'm hoping to bag Lady B's china cabinet when she pops her clogs but I fear someone else will lay claim.

It is even more magnificent in the wood.

8:15 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Mr Dawson,

Mrs Beeton will, I'm sure, give you chapter and verse. It is something disgusting to do with meat juices. As a vegetarian of many years' standing, Lady Bracknell would rather not think too deeply on the subject.

8:16 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Would Master Marmite want the contents, or is it merely the cabinet itself which he covets?

The Clarice Cliff dinner service is promised elsewhere.

Has he learnt nothing from the telling-off he was given by a mutual friend from Northern Ireland after his last attempt to blag the cabinet?

8:19 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Lady B,

Tis only the cabinet I covert. The lovely Ulster girl in question indeed told me off, for she is a young lady of morals and good upbringing. She thought I was wishing you an early decline so I could get me mitts on your yer furniture. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I hope that it is many years before it stands in proudly in Chez Marmite.

8:48 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

So, Master Marmite doesn't wish her ladyship to die soon: just to die before HE does.

Is she supposed to find this reassuring?

12:33 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home