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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Hagging for beginners #1

When I have time to write what would undoubtedly be a best-selling beginners' guide for women who would like to be fag hags but who don't really know where to start, I shall use this photograph of Puss Puss to illustrate one of the prime criteria for a succesful relationship with one's fag.

Never choose a fag for whom your clothes would be too small.

Being more than amply proportioned myself, I have the freedom to ally myself even with fags of a rugby-player's build, but I would recommend my slighter sisters against setting their sights on someone as tall and chunky as Puss Puss.

Had my velvet coat not been big enough for him, it might have suffered irreparable damage: once he had clapped eyes on its lustre, nothing on earth would have prevented him from trying it on. Indeed, I don't think I have ever seen him leap from a chair so quickly as when I asked him whether he had spotted it gracing the newel post on his way into the lounge.

Readers with a keen eye for background detail will no doubt recognise that we are still in the lounge at Hotel Algernon at this point. I am forbidden to reveal which of those present tried The Hat on after they had drunk their pink champagne. But - on an entirely unconnected note, you understand - I'd like to wish Pop good luck this evening in his first performance as Bob Cratchitt in A Christmas Carol.

The Editor


Blogger marmiteboy said...

I've seen further photographs from teh evening concerned and I'm open to bribery ;-)

1:41 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Banana has been after my hat for months.

5:51 pm  
Blogger pete said...

Spiffing purple gear! Wowzah.

10:39 pm  
Blogger Wilf said...

That is a truely fabulous coat and I quite understand Puss Puss's determination to try it on.

8:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I'd wear it, and I am as straight as a very straight thing which has just been checked for straightness in a straightening factory before being run over by a steamroller on a perfectly flat surface.

Although I am not sure how well it would go with the peaked cap and psychedelic driving gloves!


11:29 am  

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