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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Testing times

When you've become accustomed to fine, slender, acupuncture needles which don't leave a mark, being faced with one of the much chunkier needles which are used to draw blood can come as a bit of a shock.

Particularly when the phlebotomist has to wiggle it a bit to get it deep enough.


The Editor


Blogger marmiteboy said...

You'll be having tattooes next. So you will.

1:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good job I saw those pics of you while you could still show them -very nice they were too. Have the Thought Police been on at you to remove them, or has the photographer chanced upon them?

Censorship, by those who think for us, is one of the many problems facing this country today. As if having a government that focusses on all the wrong priorities isn't enough...

Anyway rant over - though the reinstatement of those pics should be a given!

At least they don't stop you showing us how Bertie and Caspar are getting on... though was that a knock on the door?...

You can tell I'm riled, because even the MS fatigue hasn't stopped me putting fingers on keyboard!
Angie xx

2:31 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

I think perhaps not.

Mind, I would hope that the ink needles don't go in as deep as the ones they use for blood tests.

Unless the effect of the tattoo is created by actually dying your blood...

2:33 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I am Dracula, and I bid you welcome . . . "

5:03 pm  
Anonymous Boogaloo Dude said...

I feel your pain...

I've never been acupunctured (yes, it's a verb) or tattooed, but I sure done given lotsa blood for various causes - normally in a vein attempt to find out what's wrong with me.

And wiggly phlebotomists are the worst type (apart from the wiggly and arrogant ones who aren't interested in your wealth of self-knowledge about the least damaging way for them to extract their tithe).

5:23 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Oh, Angie, I feel really guilty now!!

No, the only censorship in play was self-censorship. And it wasn't of the photographs, it was of the text.

I was very much in two minds about that entry as I published it. I didn't want to publish those pictures without an explanation of why I had done something so out of character, or why I was so shocked when I saw them again recently.

But, although I really did appreciate the comments people left, I decided the conversation was straying too far into inappropriate areas.

Despite the fact that he is never likely to see or read this blog, I don't think it was fair of me to have criticised a member of my family in the way I did when he's not in a position to tell his side of the story.

If there's a general wish expressed that I put the photos up again sans commentary of any kind, then I'll do so.

5:51 pm  
Blogger Dame Honoria Glossop said...

Dyeing the blood? Interesting concept! But a cautonary tale ....

I once had a fluorescein angiogram, where they take photos of your retinas. First, they inject you with something. They told me it would make the whites of my eyes look yellow for a few hours afterwards. They didn't tell me it would turn my skin a vivid banana yellow for several hours. The Hon., needless to say, found it hilarious.

6:03 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Ah, what it is to have a supportive gentleman at one's side...

6:35 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


In my considered opinion, and after a great many blood tests, the wiggling - nasty though it is - is not the worst bit.

The pain epitome of the blood test experience is the withdrawal of the needle from the vein.

I have to engage in much teeth-gritting at that point.

6:38 pm  
Blogger laughingattheslut said...

Banana yellow skin? Now if we just had something for green we wouldn't have to worry about body makeup to go with the Orion slave girl outfit.

I have never donated blood. I've been a big chicken about that most of my life and just have a dreadful time just having a bit of blood drawn for tests.

About four years ago I had finely started to act like a grown-up when I needed blood tests and just started to relax and get it over with without making a scene or nearly fainting or any of that. And it wasn't too bad for a while. And I even thought that I might donate blood at the next free comic book day or the haunted house blood drive or something like that. I missed both of those, but I thought I'd do it the next year.

But then I was at the clinic when they were trying to train this girl. And it was awful, and she didn't even get any blood. So she did it again, still no blood. So then they had to go and get some special equipment to get blood out of the back of my hand, and it really hurt.

I have not been back to that clinic and have found a different place to get tests done. And I'm afraid the haunted house bloodmobile and the comic book people will just have to get by without me cause I've gone back to being a total chicken.

6:40 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

I had a corker of a bruise the first time I gave blood: turned out they'd used a blunt needle.

Of course, I can't give the stuff away now. It's full of drugs.

Still, I gave 10 pints while I was young and fit, so I don't feel too guilty about things.

6:55 pm  
Anonymous SphinxQueen said...

I had a new wrinkle used on me earlier this week. As I'm being tested for latex allergy, no tourniquet. Yes folks, find the vein without the use of a tourniquet. Is this bruise the result of just taking the blood, or the punching of the arm to get my shy little veins to show themselves?

Actually, the whole thing was very slickly done and the phlebotomist hit the sweet spot first time. I think she was a surprised as anyone.

8:40 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

That's pretty impressive.

After 10 minutes or so of having my upper arm garrotted to the point where my hand is turning blue, practice nurses have still been known to decide I have invisible veins and will need to see one of yer acksherl professional phlebotomists instead.

9:06 pm  
Blogger laughingattheslut said...

Well, I'm glad it all turned out okay for Sphinxqueen, but didn't it occur to anyone to use leather or something else? I'm sure that they must have used that before latex was available.

Or they could have just cut off your circulation with the bloodpresure cuff. They might not think to keep leather around for people with allergies, but they must have a bloodpresure thingie in the office, right?

9:17 pm  
Anonymous SphinxQueen said...

I wasn't entirely sure why they just didn't put the tourniquet over my sleeve..... but the Boss Man said no tourniquet, and so 'twas so.

9:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After he'd written out my very expensive prescription for LDN (it's a private one), I asked my obliging GP whether I could get anything at all on the NHS. He suggested a blood test and, after some tapping, took a sample from my left elbow region - the only place where I apparently have any veins. The test didn't show anything interesting, so was possibly a waste of resources - but what the heck. Someone has to show what they're made of!
Angie xx

10:36 pm  
Blogger Mary said...

I reckon that the blood donor nurses - the ones who want a whole pint off you - are much nicer than the ones who just want a few cc's to check whether there's something new and interesting happening to your system.

Maybe it's because they want you to want to come back, rather than wanting you to stay away. Maybe it's because you get to lie down for a bit. Maybe it's the cup of tea and biscuit afterwards. I don't know.

8:33 am  
Blogger fluttertongue said...

Ooo - Dame Honoria! You've just answered a lifelong niggle. I had a test when I was in Primary school that made the skin around my eyes go yellow (I also had yellow stuff coming out of my nose...). I had to wear sunglasses for school because it was so alarming. So that's what it was!

Lady Bracknell, sorry to hear about the wiggle - it makes me go all waahh just thinking about it.

10:34 am  

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