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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I remember you well in the Chelsea hotel

Regular readers may recall that the editor was last granted an evening off as recently as November. They will no doubt be astonished, therefore, at her ladyship's exceptional beneficence in permitting her employee a further junket tonight.

By all accounts, the editor is intending to spend the evening engaged in something called "hagging" with a rather epicene young gentleman of whom she appears to be inordinately fond. Lady Bracknell confesses that her eyebrows rose considerably when the editor informed her that the young gentleman's nom de plume is, apparently, "Puss Puss": she suspects that such an alias can not bode well as an indicator of his seriousness of mind. This diversion will take place in the Adelphi hotel which, despite its venerable history, would seem these days to be a venue of considerable moral laxity. (The term "hagging" is unfamiliar to Lady Bracknell, but she hopes that it does not betoken any involvement with the Dark Arts. The editor is far from being a model employee, but Lady Bracknell is nevertheless aware that the process of finding a suitable replacement for her would not be straightforward in a day and age when even the lowliest domestics are labouring under the delusion that they have "rights".)

The editor's absence will leave Lady Bracknell at something of a loose end. Rather than waste the time, however, she has determined to spend it in being imperious towards inanimate objects. Some of her kitchen implements have recently been showing signs of getting rather above themselves once again.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Firstly; as the editor is out for the evening and you appear to be settling in for a night of strict discipline with the potato masher, does this mean I might be granted an early finish in order to vacuum and polish the Rolls?

Also, (and I mention this only so that the readers may gain a fuller understanding of the complex relationship between yourself and the staff,) much as your Ladyship probably disapproves, it cannot be unknown to you that the editor enjoys the occasional cigarette behind the potting shed, sometimes in my company.

Therefore, in addition to the so-called “hagging” in which she will apparently be indulging with her gentleman companion this evening, it is reasonable to assume that she will ignite a fag before the night is over.



9:03 am  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Your Ladyship,

I too have seen your be-badged employee having a swift fag on many occassion. Indeed, once upon a while ago, I preambulated around Sefton Park, Liverpoolshire with her so she could have a gasper out of the sight of her aged parents, who would, no doubt, be most distressed at this common behaviour in a lady of her up-bringing.

I feel that the Dude may well be right and that hagging and fags may well be closely related. Indeed I've heard it on good authority that she is a fag related hag of the highest order and has been for very, very many years. Several gentleman of her acquaintence have been awe struck at her hagging abilities within their presence.

As such you need not fear for your employees safety.

2:14 pm  

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