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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Appearances can be deceptive

Lady Bracknell would be the first to admit that she is

  • big
  • full-bodied
  • aristocratic; and
  • a lady.

Despite this, she has little doubt that she is not what the individual who fed the above random collection of words into a search engine earlier today was really looking for.


Blogger The Goldfish said...

The Goldfish's latest favourite is goldfish swallowing fetish. She must at some point answer the most commonplace search question folks find her through, concerning the sex of their goldfish;

However, it amuses The Goldfish immensely that this question is only occasionally asked as the pefectly sensible:

How do you determine the sex of my goldfish? or Is my goldfish male or female?.

Other more common variations include;

What is the gender of my goldfish? or Is my goldfish a boy or a girl? or Is my goldfish a man fish or a lady fish?

Frankly, if a person is going to apply sociological roles to their pet, one feels they may be better off left in ignorance.

11:39 am  
Blogger James Medhurst said...

I have to ask her ladyship how she knows of these people who find her blog in this way. Do you actually receive e-mails from them (I dread to think) or do you have some other way of spying on your readers?

5:07 pm  
Blogger MissPrism said...

I get a small but worrying number of visitors searching for 'electroejaculator for humans' or similar.

Rather more of them are looking for the theme tune from The Littlest Hobo.

5:58 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

In response to Mr Medhurst's enquiry, Lady Bracknell recommends that - should he wish to gain similar knowledge of such persons as visit his own fine blog - he instal Site Meter.

If he clicks on the Site Meter button at the bottom of this blog, or the one on the sidebar of the Goldfish's blog, and chooses the "by referrals" option, he will no longer be mystified.

7:15 pm  
Blogger stella said...

Lady B,

The title of your post made me instantly start singing a song called The Tichbourne Claimant by The Lucksmiths. Their main songwriter is a man obsessed with early 20th century crime. Especially that of the Brittish persuasion. The song goes like this....

Big and fat, here he comes
All his fingers look like thumbs
Mother dearest, look who’s here
It’s your long-lost loving son

Brush aside your fears
Look: he’s got his uncle’s ears
So he’s a little fatter - it doesn’t matter
A lot can happen in eleven years

And inside every fat man
Is another man who’s thin
Even his own mother wouldn’t recognise him

Why the dickens should I believe him
Has he given me one good reason?
Of course he hasn’t
If he’s the heir apparent
Appearances can be deceiving

Names are not important
Sir Roger Tichborne or Arthur Orton
From stealing cattle to an aristocrat
He’ll sell his soul to claim his fortune

And outside every thin man
Is another man who’s fat
Only a mother could love a face like that

Ahhh... perhaps now the tune will leave my head!

8:52 am  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

The oddest one I have found, is that someone apparently put into Google Search:

"she lost a leg"

and, apart from referrals to Heather Mills, got directed to me! Can anyone explain that?

10:27 am  
Blogger eclectech said...

Everyday I get people to my site as a result of searching for female curves and spanking animations. I fear they are terribly disappointed when they find a photo of a statue and an animation about Robert Kilroy-Silk.

4:32 pm  

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