Lady Bracknell needs a tall man
It would be somewhat impolitic of Lady Bracknell to reveal just how infrequently this task is performed: she does not, after all, wish to put her readers off their dinner. Suffice it to say that any gentleman who had a burning desire to share Lady Bracknell's bed chamber might be well advised to have a fondness for changing sheets. (The toast crumbs on the duvet being, perhaps, the biggest problem.)
In a moment of inexplicable madness, Lady Bracknell decided that the moment was opportune to turn the mattress. A decision the foolhardiness of which she imagines she will be regularly reminded of over the next several days, at least until she has visited the osteopathic gentleman next Tuesday afternoon.
It was not merely her own physical frailty which her ladyship had underestimated. She had also signally failed to take into consideration the fact that a mattress rampant (to borrow a much under-used term from heraldry) achieves a very considerably greater height than does a mattress dormant.
The original 1920s light fitting to the left hangs over Lady Bracknell's bed. (The photograph is a poor one: the item is much more attractive when lit.) As can be observed, the mirrored glass part hangs from three chains. There are three liitle hooks on the top of this part which are pushed through individual links in the chains.
Clearly, for the whole apparatus to hang straight, all three hooks must be attached to chains of the same length. Which they were, until the mattress turning fiasco. Very fortunately, only two of the hooks were knocked free, thus saving the light fitting in total from a fatal plummet onto the bed. Less fortunately, Lady Bracknell does not have sufficient reach to re-attach the two hooks to the correct links on the chains. So she has re-attached them considerably lower. Which means that the entire apparatus is now hanging at a very drunken angle. Its continued physical integrity is not in peril, but it looks, frankly, ridiculous.
With luck, Dude the chauffeur will be sufficiently recovered from his current malaise to agree to drive Lady Bracknell to the osteopathic gentleman's surgery Tuesday next. Although not the most agile of manservants, he can generally be persuaded to apply his superior height and length of arm to those projects which are beyond her ladyship's reach.
Should Dude have risen from his sick bed to read this entry, Lady Bracknell wishes him a full and speedy recovery. For entirely unselfish reasons.