If Lady Bracknell ruled the world....
Some random examples follow:
- Any persons found to be using the word "infer" when they mean "imply" would be immediately subjected to a half day's training on the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs. Similar training courses would be mandatory for persons who confuse "rob" with "steal", and "borrow" with "lend".
- The timing of torrential downpours will be arranged so as to inconvenience the smallest possible number of people. A light drizzle only will be permitted during rush hour.
- Chewing gum will only be sold to persons who can provide documentary evidence that they will never chew it with their mouths open, and that they will not dispose of it by the simple expedient of dropping it on the pavement.
- Persons who park their motor cars in bus stops will have their driving licenses permanently revoked.
- Fallen leaves will be removed by the local council before they render pavements slippery and hazardous to traverse.
- Wide-fitting orthopaedic shoes will be available in a variety of attractive styles and funky colours.
- Young women who insist on wearing skimpy clothing which bares their midriff through the winter months will be ignored when they complain that their workplace is too cold.
- A stringent rule on the decibel-level of "muzak" permitted in retail establishments will be enforced.
- Children will be taught that ear-splitting screams are only appropriate when they are in genuine peril. Daily readings of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" will take place in all primary schools until such time as the message sinks in.
- Retail establishments will not be permitted to devote their window displays to Christmas until the 1st of December.
- In a similar vein, advertising agencies will cease forthwith from attempting to persuade the general public that a new sofa is a must-have Christmas accessory.
- Internet links saved as "favourites" will continue to function for the life of any computer on which they are saved.
- Young Master Marmite will have women beating a path to his door.
Lady Bracknell has chosen here not to deal with major issues such as full equality regardless of status; an end to world poverty; the cessation of all wars, etc. But this does not mean that her readers should assume that she would fail to address such things. Listed above are those matters which are of personal significance to Lady Bracknell and which, she suspects, would therefore mark out her own rule from that of any other incumbent in the post. They would also, of course, automatically disqualify Lady Bracknell from being considered suitable to take on the role of Ruler of the World.
Readers are encouraged to submit examples of the rules they themselves would bring in, via the handy comments facility.