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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Saturday, January 20, 2007

In which Lady Bracknell repents of her rash behaviour

It has been brought to Lady Bracknell's attention that a comment (since deleted) she made on her own last post caused considerable offence to its object.

The object in question being a certain Mr P Larkin, and he being a Very Great Friend of this blog's Editor, Lady Bracknell, in direct contravention of the habits long ingrained in her by virtue of her position in society, has decided to offer a public apology for what was, she now understands, deemed to be a vile calumny against a wholly innocent - nay, positively saintly - man.

When Lady Bracknell ventured to mention that Mr Larkin has a predilection for the demon drink, she did not intend to imply that he is, by any stretch of the imagination, alcohol-dependent. She now understands that, while by no means a total abstainer, Mr Larkin drinks only socially and never to excess. Indeed, so casual is Mr Larkin's affection for alcoholic beverages that he would certainly never be tempted to succumb to their lure when, for example, taking a course of anti-biotics. Neither, apparently, would he be so reckless of another's health as to press alcohol on someone with a medical condition which renders its consumption inadvisable.

Lady Bracknell is assured by her Editor that one would be hard-pressed to find a finer and more responsible gentleman than Mr Larkin regardless of how diligently, or how widely, one searched. Mr Larkin would appear, from all accounts, to be a veritable paragon of virtue of a calibre rarely encountered in these parlous times. Lady Bracknell, now lost in admiration for the gentleman in question's moral rectitude, is ashamed of having thoughtlessly maligned his character and reputation in the name of entertainment.


Any parallels which may be drawn between the degree of genuine and heartfelt sincerity demonstrated in the above paragraphs and that evinced yesterday by a certain contestant of a reality television show are entirely in the minds of Lady Bracknell's readers.


Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Dear lady, the Youmg Person to whom your La'ship alludes is not really to be censured for being loudmouthed, arrogant and thick as pig dribble, if less attractive.

When she displayed these same characteristics on an earlier version of this game show, including the bullying to tears of better bred contestants, she was taken up by "the media", cooed over, lauded and encouraged.

Naturally, being severely intellectually and socially challenged, the poor child assumed that such behaviour was not only acceptable but profitable.

Now the same people who made her their pet, are ganging up to condemn her for exactly the same behaviour. Frankly, it is their cynical hypocrisy which sickens me.

10:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I spent some considerable time in the company of Mr Larkin on Monday and I must say he struck me as a man of impeccable manners and morality, being at all times sober, upright and industrious. Certainly my day would have been considerably poorer without his company, as he both amused and informed (to say nothing of providing a welcome buffer from the malign attentions another, to whom I shall refer simply as Zee).

Incidentally, I also dined with young Master Puss Puss on the same day and he sends his regards. He, of course, was as gay as a meadow in Springtime.


8:13 am  
Blogger BloggingMone said...

I know this is off topic, but I thought I'd let you know that I have successfully managed to install a sitemeter on my blog. You are right, it can't be done without exessive use of very bad language. Thanks for the link!

4:22 pm  

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