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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Babbling, but not in the manner of a brook

Lady Bracknell, having made a firm promise to herself that she would desist from writing anything cat-related for a short while in these pages, must break her vow. To the eternal gratitude of her cat-indifferent readers, however, she will at least resist the urge to illustrate this particular entry with further photographs of her own feline companions.


The weather having been inclement last weekend, the Editor kept herself amused by browsing eBay* for cat toys. Despite misgivings about the potential of the item in question to be irritating beyond measure, she ordered a Kitty Babble Ball from this seller.


The postman has but lately delivered said item, and it has proved to be an immediate and irresistible draw to both Caspar and Bertie. That its squeaky voice is at least as irritating as anticipated is undeniable, as is the fact that it will need to be put away in a drawer at night if the entire household is not to be woken in an untimely fashion by its chirpy persona. Nevertheless, it exerts such a compelling fascination over Caspar and Bertie that Lady Bracknell wished to lose no time in recommending it to her readers. Its full repertoire of phrases can be "enjoyed" at the PetKwerks site.





*Lady Bracknell wishes to reassure any of her readers who, like Mr Larkin, have an irrational fear of discovering that they have accidentally sold their trousers as a result of merely visiting the eBay home page, that the risk of inadvertently selling everything one owns is infinitesimal. The Editor has made a great many purchases from eBay over the last five years or so, and is still in possession of all her trousers.

10 Comments:

Blogger Mary said...

eBay is fun, and for instance most of the bits and bobs for my mother's wedding came from eBay sellers - my favourite find was personalised guitar pleckies as "alternative" wedding favours, since sugared almonds don't really cut the mustard for diabetics.

The risk, however, is not of selling one's own trousers, but of buying EVERYONE else's trousers and other junk, while browsing eBay out of boredom rather than for stuff you need/want.

And never, EVER use eBay while drunk.

1:27 pm  
Anonymous Vic said...

Not selling, but...

3:30 pm  
Blogger BloggingMone said...

Unbelievable!!! I have never heard anything like it. Are you sure it does not have any...well, let it call side-effects, on human beings around?

3:52 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:47 pm  
Anonymous Boogaloo Dude said...

Ma'am

The estimable Pop's trousers may well be safe from the predations of e-bay-gum (as we middle class Northerners call it), but the shirt off his back may well be at risk. Your good self excepted (natch), I know of several friends and colleagues who spend far too much time and money in pursuit of all manner of unspeakable, overrated and overpriced trivia from the electronic bazaar.

Far be it from me to suggest that their head office is in the Underworld (as they can undoubtedly afford better lawyers than I) but as Terry Pratchett once observed, the demons of Hell are lost in admiration for the imagination we put into the things we do to each other, not to mention time-wasting and the general glorification of Mammon, which far surpasses anything they could dream up. I present e-bay as Exhibit One!

Yours self-righteously

Dude

8:17 am  
Anonymous Vic said...

*note to self - do not try to do/make clever comments when sick and tired*.

That was supposed to be a link to the BBC news story about a 3 year old buying a car (£9000 - so a real one, I would imagine) on eBay.

Further evidence that it is indeed the buying rather than the selling that is the greater risk!

11:31 am  
Anonymous Alexandra said...

A bought cat toy that cats will actually play with? In my experience, cats will invariably prefer the box or wrapper to whatever bauble came inside it. They have a nose for bought cat toys and will shun them every time. Better the aluminum foil ball or the wadded up piece of paper for my felines.

3:36 pm  
Blogger seahorse said...

Lady Bracknell, if I am not too late, and it is not too much of an imposition, I would like your advice. It concerns a cat who has taken up permanent residence at our abode, with no encouragement or invitation from ourselves. We are in occasional contact with the owners, who in the first instance asked us not to feed Ralph. Yes, I know. I wanted to call him Ferdinand but realised as he was not my cat this would overstep delicate boundaries. Anyway, I steadfastly kept my promise not to feed our tabby imposter. He lost weight, as he persisted in his visits, proving his worthiness as something other than just your usual feline floosy, going about the neighbourhood in search of multiple titbits. Further contact with the owners led to them formally consenting to us feeding Ralph. Upon which he has moved in and completely abandoned them. I feel terrible. What's a gel to do? I am in love with Ralph, he is a splendid cat. But having lost a cat in a similar manner (who was returned to us and then ran up many vet bills before dying - oh the ingratitude) I do understand how his owners feel. Such a dilemma.
Yours
seahorse
www.beautyoffensive.blogspot.com

9:12 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Dear Seahorse,

As Ralph (Ralph???) has acted of his own accord, and your own behaviour has been observant of a creditably scrupulous moral code throughout, Lady Bracknell, whilst finding much to admire in the delicacy of your current feelings towards his previous owners, would suggest that there is no real cause for you to continue in your guilt.

After all, much of the joy of living with a feline companion is derived from the knowledge that they have chosen to throw in their lot with you, unlike dogs, who will tolerate appalling degrees of ill-treatment at the hands of their owners out of a misplaced sense of loyalty.

You do not own a cat: a cat owns you.

7:07 pm  
Blogger seahorse said...

How very true, Lady Bracknell. If the current state of affairs continues, I feel the least we can do to repay our new feline friend for having, as you put it, chosen us, is to rename him. Ralph. Good grief. You have cheered me up no end. Today was not a good day. Thank you.

10:38 pm  

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