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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Saturday, September 16, 2006

In which light dawns on Lady Bracknell

Lady Bracknell confesses that, almost eleven years ago, when she first removed to the current Bracknell Towers, she was sadly deficient in anything resembling expertise in the field of useful and charming lighting fixtures. Several errors of taste were made, for which Lady Bracknell cannot legitimately blame anyone other than herself.

If Lady Bracknell were to be pointing the finger of blame at anyone - which, of course, she is not - she might venture to recollect that it was, in point of fact, her esteemed mother who assured her that the British Home Stores were the last word in lighting elegance. If Lady Bracknell's readers will permit her to stoop to employ the current idiom, that is so not true. They also have a deplorable tendency to hold out for sale light fittings which require certain rare models of lightbulb, such as require a special trip to town to purchase. (Lady Bracknell is, in any event, no longer able to visit the lighting department of her local British Home Stores because it is on the upper floor, and the swooping new escalator which was installed during a refurbishment some years ago brings on in her aged frame insupportable attacks of vertigo.)

Over a period of time, all but three of the ceiling light fixtures in Bracknell Towers have been dressed with original art deco shades. (At one point, it was all but two of the ceiling light fixtures: Lady Bracknell still feels sick at heart when she recalls the unfortunate incident with the sauce bottle in the kitchen.)

Two further antique shades have been lurking quietly in the cardboard boxes in which they were delivered for something in the region of three years. Lady Bracknell, believing that her health is now sufficiently robust to deal with tradesmen, has determined to call in an electrician. Electricians not being cheap, however, and the disruption their visits cause not being minor, Lady Bracknell has determined to find a third light fitting for the remaining room, so that all can be completed in what her esteemed mother (when not engaged in recommending second rate lighting emporia) would refer to as, "one fell swoop".

To this end, the editor has been employed in diligently searching the Interwebnet for something appropriate. Her searches having led either nowhere, or to fittings which were beyond her employer's modest purse, the editor was reduced to searching for something which might prove tolerable amongst purveyors of modern lighting. No-one was more astonished than Lady Bracknell when the editor discovered that Asco Lights offer several fittings of a decidely art deco style.

The Aperture (pictured left), having been deemed entirely acceptable by her ladyship, and retailing for a very reasonable £40, a purchase will shortly be made.


Blogger Wilf said...

Nice light, Lady Bracknell.Actually it looks a bit like an alien spaceship and I am very keen on those. So if you buy three of them you could almost have an alien invasion in your house. Cool.

8:56 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell has two glass light fittings dating from the early 1920s which she thinks Wilf would like. When lit up, they resemble the planet Saturn.

There is a photograph of the less attractive of the two here.

10:06 pm  
Blogger Unknown said...

Very nice light fitting, Lady Bracknell - sort of modern Deco. And as Wilf says, with a definite touch of spaceship about it.

7:21 am  
Blogger Mary said...

I sympathise with Lady Bracknell's misgivings about light fittings which require special kinds of bulbs.

My own way round this is to buy two of the "special" bulbs with the plan being to always have one in reserve, thus giving a good few weeks to arrange for a friend to pick up a new spare.

However I am sure I'm not the only person for whom that doesn't always work and so I also have a trusty spare table lamp, which takes normal standard boring bulbs and can be placed wherever is appropriate. Beautiful? Not especially. Works? Yes.

10:35 am  

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