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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Mr Larkin's Vegetable Medley

Lady Bracknell is given to understand that the Editor's gentleman-friend, Mr Larkin - who, by all accounts, can turn his hand to a wide variety of occupations - has no little skill in the kitchen.

(Lady Bracknell assumes that it must be the said Mr Larkin's dubious socialist beliefs which prevent him from retaining suitable domestic help. Lady Bracknell is happy to report that she herself had never so much as set foot in the kitchen regions of any house in which she had resided until such time as Lord Bracknell's mysterious and untimely demise left her in considerable want and penury.)

There follows one of Mr Larkin's recipes, recorded faithfully by the Editor as it was being dictated to her over the telephone. Lady Bracknell believes that, as Mr Larkin's culinary opus has yet to be published, this may be what journalists are vulgarly wont to refer to as, "a scoop".


Heat a little olive oil in a frying pan. Finely dice one large onion and add it, together with two crushed cloves of garlic, to the pan. Sauté gently until the onion is translucent. Next, add the finely-chopped flesh of two red capsicums and continue to stir the contents of the pan from time to time as you peel and chop half a pound of mushrooms. Add the mushrooms to the pan; season to taste; and retire with a glass of wine until the vegetable medley is cooked to your preference.

Finally, scrape the contents of the pan into the bin, wipe any remaining evidence of vegetable matter away with a paper towel, and put the pan back onto the heat in readiness to receive a large, juicy steak.

10 Comments:

Blogger laughingattheslut said...

That is to say that you had never been in the kitchen until after Lord Bracknell's mysterious and untimely demise.

Not that Lord Bracknell's mysterious and untimely demise had anything to do with your attempts to be useful in the kitchen, right?

7:43 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

That would be correct, yes.

8:10 pm  
Anonymous SphinxQueen said...

Good man - I don't like peppers, either.

9:31 pm  
Blogger laughingattheslut said...

Sounds like a diet my brother would be on.

"I meant to have some vegetables, but they got burned. So I just had to eat this steak instead."

12:31 pm  
Anonymous Boogaloo Dude said...

It is amazing that Mr Larkin manages to retain his sylph-like & elegant figure given his apparent preference for large juicy steaks (if I am correct in my assumption that we are talking beef rather than salmon or Quorn).

Have you seen Honoria's recently published recipe? Seems like a lot less fuss.

10:33 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Yes, yes, yes.

Pop has my congratulations. Steak is yummy especially if it has only been shown the heat. Still mooing is better.

7:44 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haven't seen anything of Lady B. for a while. Has she got the sickness bug that has closed wards in hospitals? She hasn't been blogging for Ouch either.
May I offer my condolences if she has been unwell, and my hopes for a speedy recovery?
Angie xx

11:25 pm  
Blogger laughingattheslut said...

It has been more than a week since your last post. I hope everything is okay.

3:33 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

How kind of you both to be concerned!

No, not ill. Just very traumatised.

I haven't decided yet whether I want to write about the Bad Thing on the blog. Possibly not.

But I am feeling hugely better than I did this time last week, so I should be writing drivel on here again before very long.

6:45 pm  
Blogger laughingattheslut said...

Well, if it helps you to talk about things, to vent, go ahead and vent.

Anyway, I didn't mean to bother you, and for all I know when you don't blog you're out shopping and having a grand time. But there's this other blogger that only posts once a week or so, and she missed a couple of Sundays, and then it did turn out that she spent the week in the hospital.

Anyway, go ahead and vent. Or, if you want maybe go the other way and tell us you need some time away from the Internet.

7:52 pm  

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