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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol. Everyone knows that.

Ah, yes: paracetamol. 500 mg of paracetamol, to be precise. Eight of those a day.

A 500 mg capsule of paracetamol is quite large.

So. Paracetamol capsule grasped between teeth. Not too firmly: we don't want to risk splitting the casing. We know what paracetamol tastes like, thank you, and we don't want a mouthful of it. Capsule arranged with short end facing towards throat for ease of swallowing. Swig of liquid taken to wash capsule down.

Now, I'm a bit of an old hand at taking meds. I consider myself to be something of an adept, really. Glucophage tablets are considerably larger than 500 mg of paracetamol, and I can get those down without a problem.

But there's something in those paracetamol capsules. Some sort of self-righting mechanism. Possibly actually a nanobot navigator. I can almost hear him yelling, "Hard right!! Hard right, damn you!! We're not going down without a fight!", every time I swig the liquid and relax my jaw to release the capsule. Because every single bloody one (yes, all eight of them) turns itself sideways before it hits my throat.

Things can now go one of two ways.
  1. Capsule goes down sideways. Progress of capsule from throat to stomach can be tracked quite easily. I haven't actually looked in a mirror, admittedly, but I'm pretty sure it would be visible.
  2. Huge gulp of extra liquid taken in in panicked attempt to turn capsule the right way round again. Resulting in swallowing of stupendously-large air-bubble. Which is a very unpleasant experience indeed.

The added "bonus" with the second option, of course, is the subsequent monumental expulsion of all that superfluous air. Something which I don't think can be accomplished in either a dignified or a discreet manner.

So, er, that's going to go down well when I go back to work...

The Editor

9 Comments:

Blogger BloggingMone said...

There is a trick to it: Dip the end of the capsule which is supposed to go down the throat first into something sticky and creamy, like soft cheese or anything like it. But it has to be really sticky. If you then wash it down, that part of the capsule is heavier and prevents the capsule from turning.

11:53 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Well, I never...

Thanks, Mone :-)

1:40 pm  
Blogger Queen_Mum said...

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this post but it seems to me Lady Bracknell is back. Or at least peeking over The Editor's shoulder.

3:42 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Having just re-read it for clues, I think there just might be something to what you say...

4:09 pm  
Blogger Elizabeth McClung said...

8 a day - I guess the first question is, how do you avoid the nausea and tremors? I have had the "sideways" motion but also sometimes, when I do a load up on the tongue before drinking water end up with one pill stuck on the tongue, usually somewhere near the back. Ug.

8:03 pm  
Blogger Stray said...

oh oh don't.

8 co-codamol a day at the mo. Flipping disgusting chalky buggers twice the size of an extra strong mint, with a patented anti-swallow coating. I swear.

Sx

12:00 am  
Blogger Mary said...

If I'm having trouble taking them with water, I use milk or a smoothie instead. I've been lucky and only had one time when I Could Not Swallow and had to try the soluble ones. Bleeargh. Bleuch. Gneeeeeeng. *pulls ridiculous faces*

11:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because the paracetamol."

Is this some kind of sound-based pun or something? Because I'm lost.

(I've been deaf since birth. I DO understand SOME sound-based puns, in part because I do have a little hearing, and but probably mostly because I grew up with a Mum--note consciously borrowed British parlance ;-) -- who LOVES puns, including sound-based ones, so I had to learn some in self defense ;-) But I'm still at an inherent disadvantage when I run into words I don't know how to pronounce, or puns that were not among the ones my Mum taught me to understand.)

--Andrea
http://reunifygally.wordpress.com

6:20 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Yes.

Paracetamol sounds very similar to "parrots eat 'em all".

Or, if the other pronunciation of paracetamol is used, very similar to "parrots ate 'em all".

Either way, the joke still works.

5:39 pm  

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