"Well go on then, GO!"*
Lady Bracknell is currently rather unwell and has therefore had to cancel her usual engagements. Having risen at 6 yesterday morning, she had retired back to bed to suffer in peace when her somewhat feverish repose was interrupted by a cacophonous din from the communal stairwell. Covert observation revealed the fact that her erstwhile neighbour had returned, and was gleefully engaged in tossing what remained of her furniture down the stairs as noisily as possible in the general direction of the attendant pantechnicon from Bulky Bob's.
Lady Bracknell is in behopes that this was the last visit but, given that the young woman has actually taken away the mortice lock from the front door to her flat, it surely cannot be beyond the bounds of possibility that she is planning to return on further occasions to help herself to the floorboards. (She seems strangely indifferent, however, to the ugly rotary clothesline in the back garden which Lady Bracknell has seen her utilise only once in eleven years. It would, of course, be beneath Lady Bracknell's dignity to suggest at this point that she may only have laundered her shell suits once in that same time period.)
Although Lady Bracknell is only a very little improved today, she is pleased to report that her morning doze lasted for several hours and was eventually terminated by the much more welcome intrusion of an enquiry from the editor's friend Pop as to whether she was feeling any better. She is willing to wager that Pop has never clad his compact frame in a shell suit. Nor, indeed, taken a screwdriver to the fixtures and fittings of any house he was vacating. It is unfortunate that, whilst one can take great care to choose as friends only those persons of whose integrity and character one firmly approves, one cannot choose one's immediate neighbours...
* A classic line spoken by Buxton in the seminal film, "Dougal and the Blue Cat".