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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Getting legless with Trinny and Susannah

Whilst idly browsing Teletext screens on Channel 4, Lady Bracknell was astonished to find the following announcement:

"What Not To Go Through
Fashion presenters Trinny and Susannah are making a programme for ITV about couples that have been through a life-changing experience.

They are particularly interested in subjects who have experienced limb loss, with the aim of helping others to deal with these issues."

(There is a telephone number and an email address for those interested in taking part, but Lady Bracknell will not repeat them here. They can be found on page 176 of the Teletext service.)

Lady Bracknell, who has only ever seen Trinny and Susannah bullying some hapless soul into throwing 95% of his or her wardrobe into a handy skip, confesses that she is somewhat surprised to learn of their new-found interest in disability issues. She cannot help but suspect that the greater part of the programme will be devoted not to the fact that one's partner considers one's loss of limb to be neither here nor there, but to being told how to dress in such a way that one's stump/prosthesis is disguised from view.

In any event, Lady Bracknell would personally rather clothe herself in garments fashioned from used coal sacks than submit to having her capacious bosom publicly manhandled by either Trinny or Susannah.


Blogger Charlesdawson said...

May I say, Lady Bracknell, that I would feel very sorry for either Trinny or Susannah should they have the temerity to comment on, let alone criticise, your ladyship's taste and appearance.

5:41 pm  
Blogger Katie said...

Lady B,

I am breaking my silence on this awe-inspiring blog to inform you that one of Trinny and Susannah - the latter, I believe - herself has a mild mobility issue of some description.

I watched her trying to teach a hapless victim - sorry, client - not only how to dress, but how to walk. Naturally, I was particularly interested in this advice. Susannah made the startling revelation that she was afflicted with a gait that made her walk 'like a carthorse'. There was, she announced, nothing she could do about that because he has a horrible accident when she was younger. Her client, however, had no such excuse.

I am not sure this counts as a disability because I [i]think[/i] it only affects her ability to walk in a fashionable manner, rather than a practical manner, but nevertheless I felt obliged to let you know.


9:01 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Good heavens. Lady Bracknell will - as they say Oop North - go to the foot of our stairs.

She may have been over hasty in her dismissal of Trinny and Susannah's motives for making this particular programme.

Lady Bracknell feels that her humble blogging ought not to inspire awe in a writer of Katie's calibre. Nevertheless, she thanks Katie kindly for the compliment.

9:27 am  

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