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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Friday, April 13, 2007

In which Lady Bracknell can resist everything except temptation

Flagrantly disregarding issues of healthy nutrition, Lady Bracknell is powerless to resist Tiger Tiger* Cup Noodles. So strong is their lure that Lady Bracknell has been endeavouring to convince herself for at least the last month that she is strong enough physically to travel to the only shop she knows which sells them. But in vain. A brief trip round the corner to the local branch of Tesco has been sufficient on every occasion to dissuade her from attempting a more rigorous journey.

Imagine, then, her pleasure on learning that the Editor had discovered that Tiger Tiger products may be purchased online. (Truly, the interwebnet is a boon to the house-bound aristocrat.) An order having been placed with all possible speed, a large box containing a plentiful variety of Cup Noodles and two tubes of wasabi-coated dry-roasted peanuts was this morning delivered to Bracknell Towers. (The second tube of peanuts was a generous free gift from the good people of the Tiger Tiger shop, in recognition of the fact that the expiry date on the tubes is but two weeks hence.) Having sampled a peanut - purely for the purposes of reporting back to her readers, of course - Lady Bracknell suspects there is little risk that that expiry date will be exceeded. Afficianados of wasabi are in for a treat.

This activity has reminded Lady Bracknell that she was at one time in the habit of purchasing mixed cartons from Jonathan Crisp for herself and Dude the chauffeur. As Mr Crisp himself says:

"We want our crisps to be fearfully hard to resist. Our crisps take a bit more time and cost more money to make than most of the other crisp chappies. We think it's worth it and we hope you do too. Damned cheek if you don't!"

These are indeed a crisp amongst crisps, and can be ordered online for a not unreasonable (given their superior quality) £8.99 for one's own choice of 24 packets. Boxes delivered to Bracknell Towers used to contain large numbers of the Horseradish and Sour Cream flavour (for her ladyship) and the Jalapeno Pepper flavour (for the Dude).

Lady Bracknell cannot at this remove recollect why the practice of ordering these delightful snacks was discontinued, and finds herself sorely tempted to revive it.

*Note to Dude: any "amusing" comments cleverly combining a reference to a particular phrase from Blake's poem about a Tyger with the spicy content of the noodle snacks are unlikely to survive the moderation process.


Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Does Master Jonathan by any chance cater for the plebs amongs the crisp-buying public and produce a variety that just taste of crisp?

Those of us who were brought up on Smith's when the little salt allowance came in a twist of blue paper, and the crisps were made from yer actual whole potato slices, not extruded Smash, have been bereft for years.

8:09 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Mr Dawson may wish to try Mr Crisp's lightly salted variety.

Although the salt does not arrive separately, the crisps are most definitely fashioned from slices from real potatoes. Indeed, the slices retain their jackets. And not one of the ingredients is either synthetic or genetically modified.

8:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I would never dream of attempting to post an amusing comment; particulary one which rhymes "bright" with what dictionary.com describes as "an obscene term for faeces".

However, speaking as a Tramadol veteran of several years' standing (well, sitting actually), I'd have thought that a diet of spicy cup noodles and wasabi coated peanuts would be just what the doctor ordered.



2:14 am  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

Many thanks to your Ladyship for the recommendation. I will investigate the possibilities.

8:17 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I also recommend Kettle Chips?

11:40 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


Lady Bracknell had not the slightest idea that Kettle Chips could be delivered to her door.

She is salivating in a most unladylike manner at the prospect.

12:09 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Not wishing to rain on anyone's parade, but I fear young Master Vic may have failed to notice that there is no link on the Kettle Chips website via which one can purchase their esteemed comestibles on line.

However, the Rolls Canardly is washed, fuelled and ready to go, should your Ladyship wish to sally forth in search of a packet or two.



12:36 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell fears for the Dude's eyesight, given that the "Buy Online" link appears in large letters.

It is towards the bottom left of the screen.

12:44 pm  
Blogger Katie said...

Oh Lord. I can barely take it.

1:24 pm  

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