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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Fair enough...

For many years, Lady Bracknell's feline companions have all had fur which was either wholly, or at the very least mainly, black in colour.

For a similar span of years Lady Bracknell herself, as befits her age, social standing and (if she is being entirely honest) girth, has been in possession of many black garments.

This may explain why Lady Bracknell has never previously been unduly disturbed by the presence of cat hairs on her clothing.

With the exception of a pair of highly inelegant (but comfortable) carpet slippers, however, not a single garment owned by Lady Bracknell is of a comparable hue to the fur of Young Master Bertram. One might think that, having observed this fact, Bertie would have the consideration not to shed fur on to her ladyship's apparel. Unfortunately, he demonstrates no such self-restraint and sheds fur with abandon wherever he goes. Plus, of course, he is an inquisitive young chap and therefore often has to be clasped firmly to Lady Bracknell's capacious bosom to prevent him from, for example, going for an exciting ride in the washing machine. On such occasions, he appears to co-ordinate his rate of shedding with his degree of displeasure at having had a particular plan thwarted.

The fact that Young Master Bertram's fur is curly does not really help matters. Without wishing to appear uncharacteristically vulgar, Lady Bracknell now lives in constant fear of being accused by some low-bred person of having engaged in what her esteemed mother (who has long been a mistress of the euphemism) once described as "sportive" pursuits with a sandy-haired gentleman.

This would never do. Lady Bracknell is therefore giving serious consideration to updating her entire wardrobe to match Bertie's fur. And possibly submitting to a permanent wave. The colour will not be at all becoming on her, but needs must when the alternative is to be suspected of low morals.

On the other hand, she could, of course, just invest in an effective clothes brush...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I recommend to her Ladyship that, rather than a clothes brush, she tries the "Sticky Mitts" available from Lakeland (www.lakelandlimited.co.uk). Easier than wrapping sticky tape around one's hand, and so much more efficient than a clothes brush, even those roller shaped ones _allegedly_ designed to pick up wantonly shed fur. I speak as the feeder and chief bottle washer of a tortie and white, and a wearer of black.

11:17 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

The Sphinx Queen is most kind. Lady Bracknell will re-examine her Lakeland catalogue with increased interest.

12:02 am  
Blogger Charlesdawson said...

May I enquire if her Ladyship is in the habit of brushing the Young Master on a regular basis?

The daily application of a stout wire-haired cat brush to the coat will remove, in short order, enough surplus fur to knit another Bertram.

11:40 am  
Blogger Wilf said...

Or dye Bertram's fur black.

8:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I entirely agree with the idea of using a Lakeland product. While being in no way connected with said company, this idea for removing unwanted fur easily is not to be ignored! I have myself bought things from that company, and they do a good job.

Speaking of fur, what about Caspar? She has received no mention since Master Bertram came on the scene. Do they get on? Is she still at Bracknell Towers? Please do tell those of us who are not privy to such matters, what has become of her!

Best wishes to Lady B. and her feline friends for 2007!
Angie xx

10:46 pm  

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