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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

But is it Art?

I know I've said this more than once before, and I suspect it embarrasses him dreadfully every time I do, but I am really in awe of Pete's skill with graphics.

I absolutely hate looking at photographs of myself, but I've got to admit that I'd be a lot happier to do so if I actually looked like the mystery woman on the left.

My Great White Hope now is that Pete has the technology to de-uglify my real face to the same extent that he's managed with a photograph of it. (Such a skill would no doubt make him very rich very quickly, so I'm bagsying my session early before he's swamped with applicants.)

This photograph may possibly be appearing elsewhere on the interwebnet in the not-too-distant future. My lips are currently (if only metaphorically) sealed. I shall, of course, be blabbing the moment I'm permitted by the Powers That Be to do so. Watch this space...

The Editor


Blogger Mary said...

I don't know about art, but it's one heckuva hat.

There is a tv programme at the moment called How To Look Good Naked. The episode I saw, implied that the way to improve one's looks - without surgery! - is threefold:
1) Have a personal stylist who will put thousands of pounds and many hours of time into increasing your confidence.
2) Under his instruction, invest further money in all manner of under-clothing scaffolding to make your body shape conform as much as possible to an ideal.
3) Spend hours with a staff of skilled hairdressers and makeup artists who will cake on at least an inch depth of powder in a continuation of the effort to make you look as un-like yourself as possible...

I fear that those of us with more modest resources will have to stick to spots, specs and flobblywobbly bits.

4:38 pm  
Blogger pete said...

Awwwww Shucks!



7:47 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Looks like you to me mate. What's he mighty Pete done to the photo then? Changed the colour of the hat?

8:13 am  
Anonymous Bogaloo Dude said...

I don’t know much about art but I know what I like. You don’t scrub up too bad… for an editor!

Big respect to Pete.

8:53 am  
Blogger BloggingMone said...

The combination of colours is just breathtaking!

4:34 pm  
Blogger Lady said...

Pfft, you think too little of yourself. I'd happily take you out for drinks.

Also, someday I will be in England. And when I am, I will steal your hat. You've been warned.

PS - go drink some water.

5:13 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


I doubt it'd fit you.

I had to have it made for me because off-the-peg hats are way to small to accommodate my massive cranium.

If you look back to the pre-investiture posts (October and November last year), you'll no doubt see much fretting about The Hat and The Outfit.

It has, of course, not been out of its box since I got back from London.

5:54 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


You've seen the hat. You were with me when I wore the hat.

You also saw the hat being modelled by a couple of the other lunch guests.

You're telling me you can't remember what colour it was??

5:56 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Not at all. I remember the hat only too well. I was being sarcastic. Pete has done little to the photo as far as I can see. Looks like you to me. As the Dude so eloquently put it. You don't scrub up bad for an old girl. Well he didn't say 'old girl' but then he is a gentleman ;-)

6:09 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


Oh, I see...

Yup, I'm with you now.

In order to see what Pete has done, you'd need to see that photo next to the one he used to create the oil-painted version. So that you could compare the two. At which point you'd be dead impressed by the degree of de-uglifying which has taken place.

6:17 pm  
Blogger Lady said...

I've read those posts. After I found your blog, I ripped through the archives.

I don't care if the hat is too big for me. That's what newspaper is for. This attitude is why I limp in half my fancy shoes and clomp in the other half - but man, have I got some spiffy Fancy Shoes.

In other news: marmite isn't so bad if you approach it like any other strongly-flavored ingredient. But eating it alone? I'd rather swig vinegar with a rock-salt chaser.

6:52 pm  
Anonymous Boogaloo Dude said...


Vinegar with a rock-salt chaser. How come you know of this most favoured of English beverages?

It's what we use in the Dude household after eating spoonsful of Marmite.

Americans are SUCH wussies!!

8:19 am  
Anonymous Boogaloo Dude said...

P.S. Has to be malt vinegar though; none of this "non-brewed condiment" rubbish.

We have standards y'know!

9:48 am  
Blogger Lady said...

I...started to write something vehement about us not being wussies. It was going to point out that a good segment of the population in my fair city still goes out and shoots its own meat. Bear sausage was going to have a moment in the sun. It was going to linger on such delicacies as Geoduck clam-monsters and ramps. Okra and chitterlings were going to be mentioned, as were rattlesnake and alligator.

Then I realized....you guys eat something that appears to be barely-refined motor oil. I just can't compete with that.

4:38 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


If you're not careful, you'll have a certain Mr Larkin beating a path to your door.

This is the man who had me (me! - a vegetarian of twenty years' standing!) Googling recipes for pigs' tails after he saw some for sale.

I may finally have dissuaded him from his plan to take me to an oyster bar by asking him whether he has a being-vomited-on fetish.

Want someone to eat bits of dead animal? Pop's your man. As long as you don't flavour your dead animal morsels with chilli. Or garlic.

The Dude's tastes are, I believe, slightly more conservative.

Marmite on hot, buttered toast with a cup of tea. That'll warm the cockles of your heart on a nasty winter afternoon.

4:50 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Ok, so this is just a bit spooky...

5:00 pm  

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