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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Friday, September 02, 2005

A sample of Lady Bracknell's earlier work

A young gentleman acquaintance of Lady Bracknell recently begged her most prettily to produce for him a guide to flirting. The reader will no doubt be astonished to learn that, prior to this request, Lady Bracknell had never considered the pleasure and benefit future generations might gain from the permanent recording of her wisdom. The guide to flirting having been most enthusiastically received by the gentleman in question, and his prowess in flirting having improved so markedly as a direct result of her literary endeavours, Lady Bracknell now feels it incumbent upon her to continue with the work thus begun.

She believes that those who did not have the good fortune to acquire their own copy of her Inimitable Guide to Effective Flirting (the print run was short, and the shelves of reputable book vendors quickly emptied), might welcome this opportunity to peruse some choice extracts from the volume. Lady Bracknell is confident that the following passages will provide the reader with a clear impression of the overall tenor of her work, and of her scrupulous regard for the importance of stringent and comprehensive research.


“Imagine Lady Bracknell’s horror on discovering that all the existing treatises on the subject of flirting have entirely missed the point!! Should the reader of this slim but informative volume choose to replicate Lady Bracknell’s searches in order to corroborate her findings, he will discover that flirting – far from being recognised as a universal method of improving interaction between two persons on a social, commercial, or professional level – is now portrayed as being useful only as a method of getting one’s leg over. (Lady Bracknell is unsure of the exact meaning of this phrase, but is prepared to wager the contents of her reticule that it conveys something of an irredeemably vulgar nature.)”

“Gentlemen must use their own discretion when considering flirting with members of the lower orders. Lady Bracknell does not condone the taking of physical or moral advantage over servant girls, no matter how equine the visages of a young gentleman’s sisters’ friends. Lady Bracknell would point out that good parlour maids are not so easy to replace as they once were.”


“In her youth, Lady Bracknell would have asserted that eye contact is crucial to successful flirting. Lady Bracknell has the reluctance proper to one of her social standing to re-examine those opinions which she formed whilst young. Indeed, she has often remarked on the effort of thought which can be avoided by simply adhering to the opinions of one’s mother and grandmother in all things. Lady Bracknell does not, as a general rule, hold with ‘progress’.”

4 Comments:

Blogger marmiteboy said...

I was a lucky recipient of your wonderful tome and I can safely say that it has had beneficial results. I'm afraid one hasn't got one's leg over yet but it's been invaluable in giving me the confidence to 'flirt' with young ladies of a certain class and age over the interwebnet and in person and the odd social occassion.

Thank you Lady Bracknell. You are a very wise women.

3:34 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell is gratified that her efforts on your behalf have assisted you in some small way towards your ultimate aim of settling down with a nice young gel.

She might wish, however, that you would refrain from employing such vulgarities as "getting one's leg over".

10:08 pm  
Blogger Luke said...

I think I may have a need for this guide as well... :)

2:01 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

The guide is now the property of the boy Marmite. Lady Bracknell is confident thet he would be happy to send a copy of it to you as some small recompense for your forthcoming assistance with his coding problems.

2:04 pm  

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