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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Lady Bracknell has a wobbly moment.

Lady Bracknell, as will no doubt become increasingly apparent to her readers as the season approaches, is not enamoured of Christmas. Neither does she have the slightest desire to eat jelly given that she believes its main constituents to be the boiled-up bones and hooves of cattle; sugar; and food colourings of an alarmingly synthetic nature.

Nevertheless, she concedes that the jelly Christmas tree and snowman to the left do have a certain charm.

The mould can also be used to produce a jelly sledge and a jelly Father Christmas. It can be purchased from Lakeland Limited for the princely sum of £2.95.

Something which might prove to be a rather more practical gift for one's physically enfeebled friends and family members is the Gowrings Mobility UK Road Atlas, which is decribed as the "new definitive UK atlas customised for Blue Badge holders incorporating a customised street atlas of 65 major UK cities showing locations of all Blue Badge parking, car parks, petrol station and concessions for Blue Badge holders across the UK."

The volume will not be published until January 2006, a fact which implies to Lady Bracknell that its publishers have signally failed to recognise its potential as a Christmas stocking filler for crips. The cover price will be £12.99, but it can be pre-ordered at the reduced price of £9.75 here.


Blogger marmiteboy said...

Lady Bracknell is already well aware of The Boy Marmite's love of hoof flavoured treats of all description. Jelly however has nothing on the wine gum which as hoof flavoured treats go has no equal.

2:21 pm  
Blogger The Goldfish said...

In my many years of abstaining from the consumption of birds and mammals, I never had trouble finding vegatarian jelly. There's Vegigel as a (perfectly adequate) alternative to gelatine. I can't remember what the actually jelly stuff was called.

Unfortunately I have since been corrupted by a packet of wine gums (that bacon butty myth is nonsense - even Gandhi would have been corrupted if ever offered wine gums).

4:41 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell is happy to report that she can recall not a single episode in her life when she was tempted by a wine gum. Nasty things. Stick to your teeth.

She is aware that packets of vegetarian jelly can be purchased but she has never done so. It is possible that her aversion to jelly is the result of the childhood trauma engendered from being regularly presented with a jelly rabbit as a dessert.

Whilst her two brothers tucked in with enthusiasm, the young Lady Bracknell agonised interminibly over whether it was crueller to the bunny to start eating at its head or at its tail....

5:37 pm  
Blogger pete said...

I used to love eating jelly raw as it were, straight out of the packet!

I have to agree wholegobbfully about wine gums they are great.

ps I KID you not the word verification was cjdwc, mmmm spooky.

6:04 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell remembers a time when women whose fingernails were prone to breaking when grown into unpleasant talons were recommended to eat a cube of "raw" jelly every day.

And if that doesn't prove that jelly is made out of hooves, Lady Bracknell will eat her magnificent hat!

8:40 pm  
Blogger Nicola said...

i want jelly

5:23 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

In a Christmas-y shape specifically, or would any jelly do?

6:00 pm  
Blogger Gimpy Mumpy said...

ooh, the snowman jelly could double as a jabba-the-hut jelly when out of season. Mmmmm.....

1:38 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Is Lady Bracknell the only person in the blogosphere who doesn't get excited at the prospect of jelly?

(She had, however, thought that said jelly snowman had a somewhat Buddha-like appearance...)

8:26 am  
Blogger melbamae said...

No, my dear, refined Lady Bracknell, you are not alone in your complete lack of enthusiasm for jelly.....known as "Jell-o" on my former continent. I have never and will never see the appeal of the wobbly transparent stuff.

10:53 am  
Blogger Jim A said...

I had at first glance at the photo thought that this was a wonderfully ecumenical set since it included both a Christmas tree AND Budda.

7:30 pm  

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