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The collected opinions of an august and aristocratic personage who, despite her body having succumbed to the ravages of time, yet retains the keen intellect, mordant wit and utter want of tact for which she was so universally lauded in her younger days. Being of a generation unequal to the mysterious demands of the computing device, Lady Bracknell relies on the good offices of her Editor for assistance with the technological aspects of her journal.

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Location: Bracknell Towers

Monday, October 24, 2005

Lady Bracknell assists Becca in her search

Lady Bracknell's editor, having returned to her other place of paid employment today, has shown considerable reluctance to do her ladyship's bidding this evening. The feeble woman is, in fact, still muttering imprecations about something called "RSI" under her breath. Lady Bracknell will pretend she did not hear the editor suggest that her ladyship might quite easily learn to type on the computing device herself. It would not be proper for a member of the aristocracy to undertake such a menial task. How are the lower orders to be employed if not in ministering to their betters?

Some time ago, the delightful Becca asked Lady Bracknell whether she was aware of any umbrellas which could be used in conjunction with a wheelchair. The weather having been quite exceptionally wet to the West of the Pennines today, Lady Bracknell has decided that it is past time she revealed the device which she discovered last week.

Behold the result of her ladyship's assiduous search! It is to be hoped that Becca is fond of the colour blue, as this device is available in as many different colourways as was the original Model T Ford motor car. Becca may buy one in any colour she likes, as long as that colour is blue.

The cost of the wheelchair umbrella varies significantly between vendors. It may be purchased from Youreable for the rather hefty sum of £23.49. Alternatively, Argos sell what has every appearance of being exactly the same item for the more reasonable sum of £11.99.

Lady Bracknell would be the first to admit that this is not an outstandingly attractive item. Nevertheless, having seen today's photograph of the Goldfish, she would venture to suggest that it can perhaps, be considered to be slightly more flattering than a rain poncho.

Post Script

Whilst travelling to visit the osteopathic gentleman earlier today (25th October), Lady Bracknell was surprised to witness one of these wheelchair umbrellas in use. This has, naturally, provided her ladyship with a better idea of how practical one would be. She suspects that, were Becca to be wheeling into the rain, there is some risk that she would need to so far lower the umbrella to shield her face from getting wet, that she might struggle to see where she was going. Although this issue is, of course, also one which affects ambulant users of umbrellas, Lady Bracknell cannot help but suspect that it might be more problematical for a wheely crip than for someone whose eye level is several feet higher. Of course, never having wheeled herself, her ladyship's assumption may well be wholly erroneous.


Blogger pete said...

Looks a nifty bit of kit Lady B'. Now if I could fix it to my shoulder a la L.J.S out of R.L.Ss T.I. I could sit in Regents Park on a rainy day and eat unsoggy Date, Banana and Walnut sandwiches. There is a health shop off Tottenham Rd that makes these heavenly sandwiches at least an inch thick!

Todays word verification could have been a character from Fiddler on the Roof.

9:47 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell's editor can confirm that she has seen just such a device as that hankered after by Pete in her perambulations through cyberspace.

Only trouble is, she can't remember exactly where....

Did LJS's parrot serve to keep the rain off, then?

9:52 pm  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

I think Lady B is being harsh about The Goldfishes rain poncho. I think it was quite fetching and very practical to boot. However as Goldfish pointed out it may have become more scary had the photgraph been in colour.

10:35 am  
Blogger The Goldfish said...

I am in debt to the boy Marmite for his gentlemanly defence of my honour and indeed, my rain poncho - though "fetching" is pure flattery.

I must add that of course I was using a manual wheelchair and cannot self-propel. Therefore any sort of umbrella - for either myself or my 'pusher' would have been entirely impractical. This was especially the case as my family insisted on taking me everywhere that they went in the Lake District, which frequently involved more than one person assisting with the manuoevre of myself and the chair.

A fully enclosed sedan chair would have been far more pratical in the circumstances and would have allowed me to remain well-dressed, dry and indeed, would have been far kinder on my spine.

The bright blue rain-poncho became accidentally yet violently torn beyond repair soon after the holiday.

1:44 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

If Lady Bracknell were not herself disabled, she might have succumbed at this point to expressing admiration for the Goldfish's courage in overcoming such perilous terrain. She might, indeed, hold the Goldfish up as "an inspiration".

Can the Goldfish be entirely sure that her journey in the Lake District was not being covertly observed by BBC television producers who had an unhealthy interest in Nicaragua?

8:19 am  
Blogger marmiteboy said...

Why oh why is the sedan chair not used more frequently by crips in this country. It is far more practical and in the winter can be properly covered to keep one dry and warm.

In the summer months the sedan chair will afford a lovely view of the surrounding environs.

I think The Goldfish has hit on a splendid idea. Bring back the sedan chair. The campaign starts here.

9:44 am  
Blogger The Goldfish said...

Lady Bracknell may well be correct in her theory that my adventures in the Lake District inspired that television series. However, I was no hero, for much of the time I was waving a booklet entitled "Accessible Walks In the Lake District." only to be ignored by my family who felt that the only way that I might enjoy the natural beauty was to be jerked and jolted up rocky climbs.

Unfortunately, when one is surrounded by four individuals of good fitness, exhausted and panting from their efforts but saying, "It was well worth the effort because now Deborah can enjoy the view as well." I found it very difficult to express any complaint.

I second Marmite's proposal to bring back the sedan chair. If only one could get the staff.

5:10 pm  
Blogger pete said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:16 pm  
Blogger pete said...

All of whats been said by the Ladt B' and the Goldfish about sedans, could be made into a musical a la Gilbert and Sullivan!

Now away to the Lake District we go,
So summon the charioteers--
All kinds of reluctance they show
To carry the weighty carriage.
And rivers of sweat will flow,
through many a verbal barrage.

Apols to G&S. I'll get my coat!

6:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooo, I want one!

My fear is though because my wheelchair does not have push handles, I might have to attach it so low that I won't be able to see out from under it anyway.

11:08 pm  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell sees your problem, Lisy.

Still, it might yet come in useful should you be experiencing a particularly bad hair day....

11:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My life is just one long bad hair day...

12:53 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must say that I suspect the Lady has found one of those devices that (unlike her canes) photographs marvelously but performs rather less so. In my experience with a similar device intended specifically for my power wheelchair, the device was not only too small to prevent soakage, but was too unstable to allow for ambulation. Unfortunate, but I have found the only workable solution, imperfect as it is, to be a waterproof bag over my basket and a full pair of "foul weather gear" - that is, a jacket and pants both made of rubber - like this.

This is also not a fashion statement, unfortunately.

1:49 am  
Blogger Lady Bracknell said...


1:16 am  

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